Trauma/Shame/Guilt

"Trauma is the invisible force that shapes our lives. It shapes the way we live, the
way we love and the way we make sense of the world. It is the root of our

deepest wounds."

The Wisdom of Trauma - Dr. Gabor Maté

Through my work and by addressing Trauma, I hope to help create a trauma-informed society
and to promote a community where individuals, parents, teachers, social workers, health
professionals, community leaders, legal professionals, etc are not concerned with fixing
behaviours, making diagnoses, suppressing symptoms and judging, BUT instead
seeking to understand the sources from which troubling behaviours and diseases
emerge in the wounded human soul.

On GUILT and SHAME:
Struggling with recurring self-judgment and self-criticism related to your memories of what
happened is normal but painful.
Guilt and shame can be heavy burdens, so try NOT to give these emotions too much power
by dwelling on them. But by accepting the things you feel guilty about (some may call them
'mistakes';) you're well on your way to relieving some of the negative feelings. 
For example, you can acknowledge your part in the relationship break up, (both
to your separated partner, if you choose, but most importantly to yourself.) Let this
acknowledgement and acceptance fuel your motivation to improve any behaviours
you didn't like in yourself at this time and move forward.
To allow you to fully accept your guilt/shame, try writing down each and every source of
your guilt/shame; text this to yourself and read it back a number of times until it feels less painful. You can also self-Haven (refer to Havening info on website), chanting
each emotion/feeling until the feeling eases/changes. Also self-Haven, whilst chanting "I
forgive myself" over and over.
Practice self-compassion, including if you're able, writing down two or three things you're
grateful for here and now, then text these to yourself and repeat over and over, self-Havening
whilst doing this too.

A Summary of Steps to working on Guilt and Shame:
Name your guilt
Explore the source
Make amends
Learn from the past
Practice Gratitude
Practice Self-compassion
Forgive yourself
Talk to people you trust
Talk with a therapist

Remember, Shame is 'past-obsessed'. One way of overcoming shame is to become 'future-
obsessed.
Stop focusing on what’s broken. Instead, focus on what can be built. For one week, focus on
what you can add to your life: a new hobby, a new friend, a new skill. Then go make an effort
to add it. Pay attention to how that feels....
In addition, adjust/reframe changing your behaviour lens' to focusing on
'practicing a different behaviour lens'. For example, instead of focusing on I'm gonna
quit smoking, focus on practicing being a non-smoker.